The only thing that terrifies me more than the blankness of death is to be a ghost in my own life. Maybe if I waved my hands in their faces they'll notice I'm still here. I'm here waiting for someone to finally chase me instead of me going around in circles, trying to please everyone.
I am exhausted. I've given up before, and when I do, I am suddenly the bad guy. The bad friend who is seen as someone who doesn't care. Don't they see that is how I see them everyday? I don't get in their face about it, I let it go, and let it go until my limit is reached and I can't let it go any longer.
But every time I come back with apologies for all, and it starts again. I come back because of that fear. When will someone finally accept and love me? When will I be able to rest?
